Forthwith: If you’re my “friend” on the lines, and you see me in public — especially if we communicate, comment on each other’s shit on a regular basis, etc… — then you are obligated to muster up the courage to put together some semblance of a giving a shit face when you accidentally stumble across my ghastly IRL visage, k? k.

I know I probably look better in theory online — you know, when you don’t have to stare at me for more than 20 seconds, or smell me, or listen to me try to stitch together an awkward, impromptu comedy bit /getting to know you routine on the fly — but that’s just tough shit. I don’t really want to talk to you either, but you should have thought of that when you added me so you could send me some pitch about the band you aren’t in any more like 6 years ago.

Be a real person for once. Look me in the eye, say something weird that makes all of us uncomfortable, then make some sign language hand motion that indicates you’re gonna go smoke/get a drink/ talk to someone more important over there. That’s just basic manners.