Ministering to Ministers
Who should care for the caregivers when stress strikes?

by Barb Graves

DAY IN AND DAY OUT, ministers and other church workers give of themselves emotionally, spiritually and physically to help meet the needs of others. While this is most certainly a part of their calling, it doesn’t mean that they, too, won’t need some pastoral care on occasion.

The question is, who can — or will — minister to them? So much of their days are spent dealing with confidential matters. Who can they turn to in confidence? How do they ask for help? Should they have to ask?

For ministers, one answer might be a clergy support group. A group of pastors in the same denomination or neighborhood can be brought together for fellowship, friendship and support. Often, several already established groups exist in suburban areas; they meet regularly to get to know each other.

Sometimes a minister needs more, however. And what about church administrators? Supports groups for them are especially difficult to find.

Another alternative could be closer at hand: Who knows better than our co-workers when we’re under stress and can understand the type of stress we face?

Maybe as church administrators, we could all be a bit more sensitive to what’s going on around us. It’s easy to be frustrated with a stressed-out co-worker. Perhaps we should take a deeper look at ourselves and see if there’s something we can do to help each other.

A church worker is in a very special position to recognize when their co-workers are in need of a blessing. Sometimes we’d do well to back up a little, take a look at those with whom we serve, and see what they might need. Sometimes a smile or hug is sufficient.

Maybe providing a meal during an especially busy time, a kind word or note recognizing all they do for others, or a gift certificate to the local bookstore, would be helpful.

Very often, I have found that a church worker just needs a listening ear. It’s especially important that they have a sounding board who can keep a confidence. They can’t share their needs and concerns with just anyone — they deal with too many confidential or sensitive matters.

At the very least, we can pray for each other daily. Who knows better what a minister or church administrator goes through every day than his or her coworker?

As such, who better to help?

On the other side of the equation is a problem: it isn’t always easy to accept help from others. Some have become so accustomed to helping others that they don’t know how to graciously accept help offered to them.

First, they need to learn that it’s OK to receive help. The need to learn what they have taught others — that it’s a blessing to receive as well as to give.

As a nurturer by nature, one of the hardest lessons for me to learn was how to let others “come alongside” and help me. Having grown up in a Christian home, I was very accustomed to helping others.

If someone needed a meal, I cooked. If they needed a ride, I drove them. I had to learn to allow others to be blessed by letting them help me.

In the year 2000, I was diagnosed with cancer. At that time, I served as the office manager at a church. After my surgeries, during chemo therapy treatments and radiation, my family needed help. I needed help. Even then, it was hard for me to realize it was time to accept it.

I knew the blessing in helping others; I needed to learn the blessing of being ministered to. I was lovingly and gently reminded by the pastor that in receiving help, not only was I blessed, but I was allowing those helping me to receive a blessing as well. (Of course, this was something I already knew in my head — it was harder to apply it to my own life, though.) The scriptures tell us in Galatians 6:2 to bear one another’s burden. We need to remember this blessing is a two-way street and allow ourselves to accept blessings when they’re offered to us.

We also need to remember to be a blessing to those around us, and to look for opportunities to encourage those who share our vision and passion.

Barbara Graves is the operations manager at Fairmont Presbyterian Church in Kettering, Ohio.